Wednesday, 3 July 2013

Things you definitely shouldn't say to a pregnant lady

During the last five years, I've been pregnant for a total of 35 months (I've got about another six weeks to go before it's all over for good). That's almost three years. Which, in my book, puts me in a pretty strong position to provide some pointers on things you shouldn't say to pregnant ladies, unless you're trying to provoke them on purpose. And, for the record, I wouldn't recommend that either, unless you're very brave (or very stupid). 

'You look tired'
 I have been tired since 2008, and I'm fully expecting to be tired for at least the next ten years. What I can do without is people telling me I look awful as well. (But make a mental note to reassess my tinted moisturise, which is clearly not cutting it.)

'What have you done to yourself?'
[Context: I'm on crutches, due to pelvic pain]
Do you really want to know? Think before you ask this. Obviously, it's not because I felt I needed more attention and since neither of my feet or legs are in plaster, that should be enough of a hint. Although, I have to admit that when I'm feeling particularly confrontational, I tell the enquirer exactly what I've 'done to myself' and that tends to have the desired effect of them running 20 miles in the opposite direction.

'Can I touch your bump?'
Wrong on so many levels,  but same answer every time. No. You are weird. You would not ask to touch someone's body if they weren't pregnant so what on earth makes you think it's okay to ask me? I have actually been asked this by a stranger on a bus. I should have reported the incident to the police. Honestly.

'Wow. You look even bigger than you did yesterday.'
Really? You shock me. I thought I was getting smaller. Especially since it's so lovely and comfortable being this pregnant. 

'Was it planned?'
Go away. I am no longer engaging in any social contact. Ever. 

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