Friday, 1 October 2010

8 down, 1 to go

Tomorrow it will be one month exactly until the baby is due. Thank God. I know I'm not the best at being pregnant, but I really am done with the whole malarkey. It's painful to walk, this baby is HUGE and I'm permanently uncomfortable and the indigestion is making me feel so ill, I can't even enjoy cake (okay, so there is one upside - I'm not putting on weight at the speed of light). But enough of the joys of making life. My main concern is that we're not ready. At all. I know we have a moses basket, but I probably should prioritise finding it fairly soon. And some new born nappies would probably come in handy - Elder Martini's (formerly known as Baby Martini) size 5s might be a bit on the large side. 


Apparently the time is also right for me to pack a hospital bag. I remember this well from last time. And I won't be falling for the con - what a total waste of time. A quick google search provides the following necessities (I love the way there are four sections):


For the labour:
- maternity notes (fair enough - I'll give you that one)
- birth plan - don't bother. I can remember it. Get to hospital, get drugs, get baby, get home. Straightforward.
- slippers - okay, although I don't plan on hanging about
- socks - seriously? All that pain and you'll be worried about cold feet? I think not. Besides, I can't even see my feet. 
- Old nightdress to give birth in - believe me, you won't care if you're wearing nothing at all
- lip balm - oh yes, because between contractions you'll definitely want to touch up your make up. A small mirror might come in handy too...
- snacks and drinks. Really? I'm sure all hospitals have shops and canteens that you can send your other half to if necessary - but it's not a picnic, for goodness sake - I didn't want to eat or drink anything
- a hairband (see lipbalm)
- pillows - not actually as ridiculous as it sounds. At St. Thomas', you get one. That's not enough. But I'm just throwing some in the back of the car ready for the occasion
- TENS machine - waste of time. Bring on the drugs
- toiletries (see lipbalm)
- music to listen to - I don't know who comes up with this stuff, but it isn't a bloody rock concert. Any ideas that your child will be the next Mozart because he's born to some classical CD will be drowned out by your screams (and quite possibly, your partners)


For the birth partner (oh good, I'm glad he gets a bag too):
- water spray or handheld fan - I'd say dangerous, because it's likely to be thrown back at him
- comfortable shoes - because the ones he goes into the hospital with won't be comfortable? I'd suggest changing them before you go there
- a change of clothes - nice idea. Won't happen.
- watch with a second hand to time contractions - he'll either be wearing it, or won't have one. So doesn't need to be packed
- swimwear - Christ, now it's a swimwear party. I think the idea is he might like to jump in the birthing pool with you. First - I can't imagine that it's very pleasant and second, how big exactly is this pool? Can you do some laps between contractions? Maybe some aqua aerobics to the music set up you've taken with you? Maybe you could give a class to kill some time?
- Camera - if there was a camera anywhere near me at the time, it no longer exists
- address book / mobile phone numbers - now is not the time to be writing to your penpal. Anyone who goes anywhere without a mobile phone is a very rare commodity indeed - chances are, you'll have your own anyway
- snacks and drinks - I suppose he might fancy joining your picnic


For after the birth - remind me, exactly how big is this bag? Is it, in actual fact, a suitcase?:
- a going home outfit - again, nice idea, but it's not a wedding. No one is going to see and no one is going to care
- nursing bras - good idea
- maternity pads and breast pads - yes, agree, these are worth having
- nightshirt - okay, I'll give you this too. Better than the awful hospital gowns
- hairdryer - WHAT? Good luck. If you can get into the shower, it will be an achievement. The chances of sitting around preening yourself are gone. Forever, actually, but that's another story
- arnica tablets - it's unlikely you'll care or remember about them at the bottom of your bag
- ear plugs - err, no. You won't be sleeping anyway, so what's the point?


And some stuff for the baby too - but you will actually need that, so fair dos. 


You'd better hope that your birthing partner is strong - this lot is more than I'd take on holiday!



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